Monday, March 22, 2010

The Dream Of The Last Partner

Everyone dreams about what they want, about things that has happened to them, what they were feeling when their dream died? How do they get it back when it seems to end? How do you get that dream back?

My dream was that one day my brothers and I would do something that would benefit others. That is how the concept known as the Last Partner came into being. We had been blessed to have a life that many others did not have, not that we actually had anything worth having. My words, are confusing aren't they?

Whenever Herbo, Midnight, Boo-Fonz and I got together, we did not go looking for trouble. I mean, robbing people, breaking into places, stealing cars, or slinging drugs for a fast buck. If we broke the law we had a reason. Most times one that the judge would not look the other way. Hell, he could not. Here are a couple of examples that I am referring to.

It Begins

In the 1960’s, life began for me and Midnight. Herbo and Boo-Fonz was born at the end of the 1950’s. All in the same town, close to the same neighborhood. So, it is not taking it for granted that they would meet, and not by fate.

1965 we were living a block from the city projects. In-between was “The Blue Moon”, a night club, and across the street from it was a liquor store. For that time this was a typical black neighborhood on the north side of town.

Herbo’s grandmother stayed right next door to me, and Boo-Fonz lived around the corner on a dead end street.. We had a huge field behind our house that we played in all the time. Back then Boo-Fonz was called Boo-Boo.

Boo was tall for his age, dark-skinned with two huge buck teeth. His teeth were huge, we think, from sucking his thumb. He was teased and picked on because of this. Five years old walking around sucking on his thumb. It was embarrassing. Even more so when he turned fifty.

Herbo stayed over ten blocks away, but stayed at his grandmothers a lot. If you knew him he would be easy to describe: bright skinned, slightly overweight with a mole in the middle of his forehead. He was my best friend.

One day his grandmother moved away we thought that we were never going to see him again. We all did not go to the same school. To our surprise, she moved into the projects, into the first duplex beside my grandmother. This meant that nothing was going to change.

Midnight’s father was my grandmother’s boyfriend. That is how our friendship began. He would tag along with his dad, so that he had someone to play with.

Summertime

During the summer months my parents would take my older sister and I to spend time with our grandmother in the country. Our closest relative was about one mile away and to the left. Dirt road all the way. If we wanted to see each other we had to walk because everyone that drive worked during the day.

In town we could go to the community center for activities we did not have at grandmother’s. And the girls were not relatives. Hell, as far as I knew. Let’s see, Sherry wasn’t related. Linda, no. Stephanie, Pam, and Paula. Nope, not at all. We chased them and vice-versa.

Our male friends had many activities that was fun. Swimming, fishing, and fossil hunting. Along the river were a lot of fossil rocks to collect. Another place was at the base of a nearby hill. Not only were there fossils, we found arrow heads the Indians would be proud to have.

“Hey, you want to go to the cave?” asked Uncle Tommy.

“Yeah,” agreed one of his friends, Kenneth, “Chuck haven’t been up there before, ha he?”

I quickly asked, “there aren’t any snakes, is there?”

Tommy looked at Anthony and smiled. “Could be . . . Maybe even a bear?”

“Don’t worry, Chuck, we will protect you..” said Kenneth.

Pausing for a moment, looking around. “You sure?”

Together, they began climbing their way up to the cave. It was facing toward the neighboring town on the other side of the river. If it was night time, you could bring your lady friend here. There was a romantic quality, an aura about it.

As the boys scurried around the cave looking for fossils and weird shaped rocks. No one came upon a snake, and a bear was never seen. It started getting dark as the sun started its descent from the sky. A slight chill was settling in the cave. Plus the boys were starting to get hungry.

As they began leaving, Chuck noticed a soft blue glow on one of the walls. None of the other boys spotted it as they began departing. Chuck quickly dug it out, stuck it in his pocket., and ran to catch the others.

Off and on as they walked back to the community center, he would take it out of his pocket and admire it. It was not like any of the stones they collected that day. The rock was slightly rounded, and the soft blue hue that radiated from it was so soothing, relaxing. He thought that he would put it on a chain or string, and wear it around his neck.

Just before he laid down, Chuck found a string and tied it around the rock, hanging it around his neck. After saying their prayers, Anthony turned the lights off.

Out in the country there are no street lights. You could place your hand three inches in front of your face and never see it. A full moon is an exception to this. Walking down the dirt roads with a female can be very romantic. Especially if she is nervous that monsters might be hiding behind every shadow.

As the rock began to glow softly, vibrating, there appeared to be a figure outside the window. It should not be. We are deep in the country, and there is no way someone might walk by much less peek in. Chuck knows that it must be his imagination, or maybe it was Smokey Joe. Smokey Joe was like Big Foot, scary, He liked to kill people. An urban legend,  folk lore his uncles told him about. A story for another time.

Either way, some body or thing was outside that window. . . peeking in.



What Was Going On

In 1977 while in High School, Midnight and I joined the JrROTC program. Being in the drum and bugle corp., we had to perform in the local Christmas Parade. While we were in the prepping area, we ran into a couple of girls he knew from another town. Introducing us, one of the young ladies, LaFonda and I sparked. We had the same last name, too. We agreed to meet up after the first of the coming year.

Midnight and I had moved into an apartment with a lady that was our sister, and her cousin. Her cousin often took trips out of town with her co-worker to see his girlfriend. God smiled upon us. Her friend's girlfriend had a daughter and niece around our age.

The two girls kept us happy for a long time, but in that time his "lady" began liking me and vice-versa. It was easy to talk to his girl, and him talking to mine. One weekend we talked my girl's parents into letting her leave their town for ours. Approximately forty-five minutes away. Under one condition was this to be filled - two of her older brothers and cousin would have to come along.To keep it short, it was a bad weekend for deepening a relationship, so we ended up on a road trip.

Paula's cousin, RobertMidnight and me. We went to the girl that I was introduced to at the parade's house. Unknown to us at the time, while we were visiting, there was a white Cadillac circling the block where she lived. The whole time we were there, he rode. When we departed it followed us until we left town on the back road instead of returning by the interstate highway.

As we entered the next town there was an on-ramp for the interstate, so I cut my signal on to get on it. Midnight had a cousin I liked that lived there and wanted to share me where she lived. So I continued driving into town, being wary of the police. See, I was drinking vodka, and they were smoking marijuana.

Looking ahead, I could see the next interstate highway on-ramp, but again, Midnight reminded me about his cousin. Now, by this time I was getting tired and just wanted to get home. And supposedly, we were a few blocks from her house, so I continued on. Big mistake.

Ahead of us approximately three blocks away was a police road block. Alerted, our friend, Robert, had the marijuana trying to hide it in the back seat. I had a half pint bottle of vodka beside me, trying to push it under the seat without too much movement.

There were two cars that performed the road block. Slowly I pulled up to the officer with my window up. He tapped on the window with his flashlight motioning for me to roll it down. Einstein here.

A big cloud of smoke hit the officer in the face causing him to step back. I gave him my license, and could hear him say as he walked away, "This is it. This is the one." "Damn." It did not help that they had just put out a joint. We were real scare when during the body search, one of the officers had his hand on his gun while calling us niggers. At two in the morning, this was not good.

The girls I spoke about before, put a rift between Midnight and me. He could not grasp the fact that since these relationships were just starting, we could switch. He could have Paula Ann and I could have Barbara Ann. Everyone would be happy. No one hurt. As we were leaving Paula Ann's house, without warning Midnight jumped me. I was not ready for his assault. He outweighed me by about eighty pounds and was on a wrestling team. It took all of five minutes to calm him down. We got him to get it in check, as we left for home.

BOOM! He exploded on me again, trying to place me in different wrestling holds. I managed to stay out of his holds, but it was tiring. This was the only time we fought one another.

Along with a group of other boys, we attempted to break into an establishment one of us worked in to help Herbo follow his girlfriend who was pregnant with his child. The business kept its receipts there until the next day. If it had not been for the policeman that spotted us before we got the door broken open, . . . whew.

We knew this was wrong, and after this night we never tried this again. The need to give began to get strong with us. I joined the Army first being assigned to a unit in Louisiana for a little over four years. Boo-Fonz was next joining the National Guard. Following him was Midnight, who joined the Army and was stationed in Washington state. Herbo wanted the easy money, slinging dope. The easy life did not come for him. He was busted for over 1.5 million dollars worth of drugs. The dream began to fail.

The truth, fiction and a dream.

I was now heading toward becoming the Last Partner - The Beginning And The End. Next . . .

We are the Last Partners.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Why Me? Why Am I The Last Partner?

                                                                                            

Why Me ...

Why? Why must it be? Why is this there? Why are you? Have you ever asked yourself these questions? What about “Why me?” Those questions have been asked by everyone at one time or another. Some more than others. Why aren’t The Last Partners kicking it like back in the day?

I know that I have not only asked others, but I have asked myself “why me?” many times. It just does not seem right when everything is going right for you, your mother, father, sibling, or friend, and I am sitting in a ditch. No one will assist or help me to get up. They just want to keep me down.

The year I got out of the Army, why was a big issue with me. Why can they not find out what is wrong with my knees? I am in pain and walk with a limp every day. Why does my chest hurt and I get short of breathe, but the medical personnel can not find a cause? Why did I put my integrity on the line for someone that never said “thank you?“ While testing soldiers to drive in Germany, one had an accident, why did I lie to the Military Police about who was driving at the time? Why did I recant my statement not even an hour later, and face being charged with falsifying an official document? Why couldn’t I get the chain of command to work and support me like they did my peers?

Man, that was a lot of stress to deal with. Maybe that is why I had so many inexplicable aches and pains. The problem I faced with my soldiers of E-5 and E-6 rank was trying not to get stabbed in the back because of the fright of being down-sized.

After I exited the service, it was discovered that I suffered with ulcers, chronic pains, and depression. That took a while as I tried to determine why things were the way they were.

Before the Army during my High School years, I was in a street band that whenever they broke up, they would reform under a different name. During our last effort under a name I created, they kicked me out. They did not give a reason, but they always put me down and treated me like I was beneath them in life. My mom and I ensured that we always had transportation to rehearsal and engagement location without one “thank you.” Why did they have to be so cruel to someone that place them high on their list?

Why could I not finish everything I started? Was it because of low self esteem? Low self expectations? There was many areas in my life that I could have concentrated on to get further in life. Musically, I could have strove for perfection playing the bass guitar, percussions, and writing songs. I really enjoyed these things.

Today, I ponder on all of the “whys” in my life, and here I am at a point where I am filled with regret about so many things. I think confidence is the link connecting my whys. If I had believed more in myself, projected that confidence to others, I would have been more successful.. Do not get me wrong, my life has been blessed in ways that only God could have provided.

First off, I should not be alive. Not just because of my military tour, but the different situations I have faced. I have been in more than my share of vehicular accidents, had guns pulled on me, had a knife at my throat, jammed weapons, military training, and walking on life’s path the way I do. Once, we returned from the field training and I noticed a discomfort in my right hand. There was a red streak going from my hand disappearing under my arm. Blood poisoning. I got to the hospital just in time.

For every doctor or medic I have seen, there was a different name for my illness, and in some cases, I was told that they were not sure what was going on and that I responded different to treatment than most people. If they did not know what was going on, why did they not just say so? That would have been easier to accept than just any excuse.

I even had one doctor to tell me that if my problem persisted that he would give me a temporary profile. A profile was a paper detailing the actions that I would be restricted from. He was going to do this upon my next visit with him. Before that happened, my commander talked to him, and the doctor flipped the script on me. This left me open to a charge of malingering, or purposely avoiding my responsibilities. This is about when the Middle East conflict/war began.

Today, I am classified a Service-Connected Veteran for disability. This stems from the things that worsened after my release from active duty. The why here is “why could they not find these problems before my release?”

Since I have made it back home, I have worked for Kentucky Fried Chicken, trained for and drove 18-wheelers, delivered pizzas, and in an Internet company Technical Support Department. I’d undertake anything to survive.

My most current why: why am I so lonely? I am unable to perform gainful employment, I no longer drink alcohol except on very special occasion, drugs are a definite no-no, and most physical activities are out. I had three main friends that are my brothers. The Last Partners. Two of them have a back ground in drugs (marijuana), and out of respect they keep it away from me. The third was my best friend, my brother. In 2003, he committed suicide after killing his estranged wife and her male friend. Depression is something I will get into another day.

Funny. My best friend did the same as the others (drugs), was a big time player, but he did not bring these things around me. He respected my marriage by not bringing his many women around my home, and if there was drugs or a lot of drinking going on, he just did not bring it around. But check this, like a brother, he was all ways there when I needed him, and vice-versa. We were both stationed in Germany at the same time.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not ask myself why. Why did it happen? Why couldn’t he have come to me or call me when he needed to talk about it? I mean, we did talk three days before it happened, and I thought that it helped. I felt good. He lived in a different city in which I had a medical appointment, so I spent the night before at his house. When it was time for me to leave for home, he wanted me to hang around. Why did I not pick up on the vibe that he needed his brother to help him through his depression?

Why today all I have left now is the question of why did things happen the way that they did? Why do I have so many questions of why? What were my dreams? When did they die? Who are The Last Partners?